Why We Cry: The Science of Emotional Tears and the Power of Being Seen
Written by Kristin M. Lapp MSW, LCSW, CCTP | Rooted Within LLC
Have you ever been sitting with someone who starts to cry, and your first instinct is to make it stop?
“Don’t cry.”
“It’s going to be okay.”
“Try not to think about it.”
We often rush to take away someone's tears because we don't know what to do with them. We want to fix the hurt, find the right words, or help the person feel better.
But what if they don't need us to make the tears stop?
What if they just need us to stay?
Sometimes, we just need someone to sit with us.
There are moments when there isn't a solution.
Sometimes we just need someone who can sit beside us in the uncomfortable moment and say, I'm here.
As a therapist, I've learned that some of the most meaningful moments in counseling aren't necessarily the moments when I say something profound. Sometimes they are the moments when someone realizes they don't have to hold everything together anymore.
They can cry.
They can be angry.
They can be confused.
And someone is still there.
Sitting with someone doesn't mean agreeing with everything they're feeling or telling them that everything will be okay. It means making room for the experience without immediately trying to change it.
And there is actually some fascinating science behind those tears.
Did you know there are three types of tears?
Not all tears are created for the same reason.
Basal tears are present all the time. They help keep our eyes lubricated and protect the surface of the eye.
Reflex tears happen when our eyes respond to an irritant—like smoke, dust, or chopping an onion.
And then there are emotional tears.
These are the tears that come with experiences like grief, sadness, frustration, overwhelm, relief, joy, or deep connection.
Emotional tears have a different chemical composition than our other tears. They contain substances including prolactin and ACTH, hormones associated with the body's response to stress. When we cry, these substances are physically leaving our bodies through our tears. Researchers are still learning exactly what role this plays in emotional regulation, but we know that crying is accompanied by real physiological changes in the body.
Your emotional experience is also a physical experience.
Your heart rate can change. Your breathing can change. Your muscles can tense or relax. Your nervous system responds. Hormonal systems respond.
Your body is participating in the experience with you.
And maybe that's one reason we don't always need someone to talk us out of our tears.
Maybe sometimes we need someone who understands that there is nothing inherently wrong with crying.
What if we stopped trying to fix every tear?
Because sometimes healing doesn't begin with figuring everything out.
Sometimes it begins with finally having enough space to feel what we've been carrying.
And sometimes, the most compassionate thing we can offer another person isn't a solution.
It's our willingness to sit beside them while they hurt, while they feel, and while they begin to heal.
At Rooted Within, I believe mental health is whole-person health. Our emotions, bodies, relationships, environments, and experiences are all connected. Therapy can be a place to slow down, make room for what you're carrying, and begin to understand what you need from there.